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Effortlessly Average

Sort of half-heartedly leading the charge into mediocrity since, oh, let's say around 1987 or so.

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Location: Roaming (additional charges may apply), Argentina

Proof that with internet access and a powerful laxative, even insipid people will blog; the place where your excellence and my mediocrity collide; where my Karma whips ass on your dogma.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Kind of Anouncement You See on TV at 2am on Sunday Morning

It's back. Effortlessly Average is back on the air. Now, understandably, so few people read this blog before that if you're reading this now you might be saying to yourself "you were on in the first place?" To which I might answer, "yes, Dad, I told you I had a blog; and that's not very nice."

Anyway, we still have that other blog -the family one-, but there are things I sometimes feel like saying that don't seem appropriate on that site. I've met many of the people who frequent the other blog and they're just so nice and so down to earth (imagine Ned Flanders without the Bible thumping Jesus freak-ishness) that I worry I'll offend them by posting some things on that blog. And I need to be able to express those feelings sometimes. So, that means I need a new venue; a place to projectile vomit my ire, ilk, and irreverence without soiling the image I think the other blog has. What better place than this, my tribute to sailing through life un an unremarkable way? My testament to being "every" man; where all average people everywhere can go to wallow in the fact that if it weren't for family, you could die in your sleep and no one would notice until your lawn was so overgrown that the homeowner's association serves you with a summons. Ha! I kill me!

There are two major reasons I stopped blogging in October. First, no one seemed to read it. I spent some time out there in the "sphere" and came across some very talented people, tapping out their blog entries with aplomb and... something that goes well with aplomb. And I grew tired of writing for only a handful of people who never, but for a few exceptions, let me know they read it anyway.

Second, I always felt the need to be funny. Which made me not funny. I should have taken queue from the late, great Johnny Carson, who said the act "is what it is; funny will come if you enjoy what you do. Unless you're a mortician." But I instead tried to force it, and I think it make me less excited about writing and, in turn, made what I wrote less worthy of reading. After all, who wants to read about the boring crap that happened in someone else's life, right? If you're blogging, and throwing your thoughts out there for all to inspect, it should be worth reading right? Wrong. It is what it is. I'm gonna write it; you're gonna read it. lmao. Or not. I s'pose it doesn't matter one way or 'tother. But just imagine the freaky crap you'll miss if you don't keep coming back.

This is also a dawning of a new day for this particular blog here. It's new and improved. It's edgy-er (or is it edgier?) Yeah, I know I could go look it up but I'm not going to because it's my blog and I'll do what I want to here. So just imagine the word "edgy" with an "-er" at the end and that'll suit me just fine... Where was I? Oh, right! Improved!... Now fortified with extra blasphemy, sarcasm, and a few f-bombs thrown in for flavor. You're going to get my opinions. You're going to read about my faults. You're going to hear not only the funny parts of my life, but the scandalous and, dare I say?, the down right screwed-up parts too. You'll hear about how I drew the same Susan B. Anthony dollar from my change pocket (on my briefcase, not my pants; it's not like I have a pocket reserved for change in my pants) three times when I was looking for a quarter because I was too stupid to NOT put the damned thing back into the pouch each time. You'll hear about my adventures in parenthood and husbandry (as the husband, not as in having one). Oh, and you'll get the overuse of whatever these thingys are: "..." Yeah, I'll be using those a lot.

Why, you might ask? Because. Just because. I write because I enjoy writing. I love conversation and exchanging ideas and opinions in an effluent of words. Wait. Would "effluent" be the right word here? Sounds... icky. And if there's one thing I don't want to be perceived as it's icky. Well, that and maybe impotent, but they have drugs for that nowadays. So let's go with "fountain" instead. That sounds better to me, but feel free to use whatever noun/adjective combination you desire. ... "opinions in a fountain of words." Yes. Much better.

I may not write every day. Or I may write every day for a week, then skip a few days. Who knows? I may write for PgDn after PgDn one day, then only a couple lines for several entries. Again, who knows? And unfortunately we're all stuck with the same lame-ass blog template until either I get off my lazy ass and learn html or some nice person out there will accept my offer for sexual favors if they'd redesign it for me (uh, please make that "some nice woman out there"). Anyway, the point is that I'm excited about writing again, only this time I'm doing it to display who I am, not who I think you might like to see.

So hang on kids.

- The Number of People Stunned by My Mediocrity