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Effortlessly Average

Sort of half-heartedly leading the charge into mediocrity since, oh, let's say around 1987 or so.

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Location: Roaming (additional charges may apply), Argentina

Proof that with internet access and a powerful laxative, even insipid people will blog; the place where your excellence and my mediocrity collide; where my Karma whips ass on your dogma.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Stonehenge Explained!

So, I'm somewhat of a history buff. The older I get the more interested I become in the world's history, including her people. Aside from the obvious sexy light that portrays me, it nevertheless affords me the opportunity to learn many fascinating things. I'm proud to say that after many years of research I've finally discovered what Stonehenge was all about.

For most of recorded history -certainly since I've been alive, which is about 75% of recorded history- Stonehenge has been suspected of being everything from a place for religious ceremonies to the site of alien interactions, which frankly I find stupid since I don't think there are many people from Mexico in England. However the light of discovery has revealed the true meaning behind Stonehenge's original design:

Female genitalia.

Shocking, no? Wonderful amounts of research went into this discovery and I'm now convinced that Stonehenge resembles the female anatomy. Finally on the right path I dug further and the truth revealed itself to me as if a rose, blooming before my very eyes. Here is what I've discovered.

Stonehenge is a massive fertility symbol whose stones represent the various parts of the female genitalia. For centuries it's been thought that the Druids built Stonehenge. However it is now known to have been built by an ancient race of people called the Clitorians.

The Clitorians were an extremely fertile people who came to southern England from a place high in the Swiss Alps called Mount Beaver. Ever since the Clitorians came from Mt. Beaver they had wanted to build a monument to the female anatomy. However the Clitorians did not have enough money to build such a monument so they had to borrow several thousand clam smackers from the Pussyphites. As you might know, Clam Smackers were their currency and the Pussyphites were a neighboring race of people who were extremely wealthy. In fact, it was the Pussyphites who had graciously given the Vulvarians the money to build the Great Wall of Vagina.

Anyway, one day Dick Mitten, the king of the Clitorians, announced the building of Stonehenge at a lavish banquet at which his loyal subjects dined on vertical tacos, fuzzy doughnuts, and whisker biscuits. Parting the meat curtains that led to the stage, King Mitten appeared before everyone who'd come from Mt. Beaver that morning.

Whipping out his sausage wallet, the Clitorian king pronounced a jubilant "hay hay!" and offered 200 clam smackers to the person with the best design. After several weeks, Darryl of Furburger was announced the winner and building commenced immediately on a piece of land known as Pastrami Flats (which is, of course, just east of Coochy Cove) with stones acquired from all parts of what is now Europe, including Pootania, East Tunaville, and Kooterburg. Yes Stonehenge would have an international, if not fishy, flavor.

Even the name Stonehenge has special meaning. "Stone" being the Clitorian word for "Nappy" and "henge" being Clitorian for "dugout."

Within a few months, Stonehenge was completed and the Clitorians held a huge gala to celebrate its massive opening.

And that, my friends, is the TRUE story of Stonehenge and what it really is supposed to be.

I'm now starting deep research into Big Ben and I'll be sure to keep you informed. I'm sure wonderful discoveries will be made.

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