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Effortlessly Average

Sort of half-heartedly leading the charge into mediocrity since, oh, let's say around 1987 or so.

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Location: Roaming (additional charges may apply), Argentina

Proof that with internet access and a powerful laxative, even insipid people will blog; the place where your excellence and my mediocrity collide; where my Karma whips ass on your dogma.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

The Ubiquitous 100 Things

So, I did one of these things once. A long time ago. Then I stepped back to look at it and thought to myself what the hell were you thinking?

Alas it didn't remain.

But, as I've been seeing these more and more and I've been getting to know so many of you better I've had occasion to reconsider my disdain.

The problem I have is in finding things to reveal that people would find interesting in one so boring, average, [insert third adjective here] as EA. Yes, I just referred to myself in the third person. Frankly I could use a third person. One more and I'm only two people away from a threesome. Or wait; that's one more and I'm only one person short of a threesome. Whatever: I'm 30% bored, 52% trying to pump some filler into the preamble of this entry, and 46.23% not good with fractions.

So, 100 things about me:

  1. I've got yellow eyes. They're right here in the box on my desk. hahahahaha! I kill me.
  2. I love music and have a collection of CDs numbering around 2,000
  3. If I could work my will, I'd spend the rest of my life traveling the world, never truly placing roots in one place for long. And with someone who shares that passion, so much the better.
  4. I'm emotionally passionate. I pour my heart and soul into my loves. I don't fall in love easily, but if you're the owner of my amour, I'll follow you to the furthest reaches of Hell and back if necessary.
  5. I tend to like other people more than myself. Not that I don't like me (except for once, but more on that later); it's just that I find others so much more interesting. Myself... well, I've been watching that movie since I was born, so I find it far more entertaining to watch others.
  6. I do not like pretentiousness. Not at all. You own a Lexus or live in a mansion or look like a supermodel? Fine; good for you. I'm happy for you that you've got it so good, at least by outward appearances. But if you begin to use your possessions or intelligence or looks as a means to categorize others on a scale of superior, that's when we have a problem. Chances are, you're just as big a bastard as those you turn your nose toward, you just do it from an ivory tower.
  7. Music, to me, is linked inexorably with history. When I hear a song, it's not just a series of notes intertwined with words. It represents a time in my life, complete with emotions and events and if I allow it, hearing it again can bring me back to that state. This would explain why I can't replay music I listened to when Mrs. EA was in love with me.
  8. I'm funny. Not everyone gets my humor and I demonstrate the proclivity toward the inane, but I love making others laugh.
  9. I went to prison for a few months. Years ago. There is no way to accurately describe how that feels. It was like stepping into the seventh circle of hell. Just like you, I swore I would never ever do something that could lead me there. We all look into the mirror every day confident in the solidarity of our moral compass; assured that we're all good by default. That those who go "inside" have some fundamental flaw that makes them different from the rest of us. Then one day you look in the mirror and wonder "what the fuck ever happened to never ever, asshole?!" When society wrote me off, I swear I would not have been surprised to find this printed over the facility entrance: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." Which explains the next item:
  10. There was a time when I was so consumed with self-loathing that I literally did not care if I lived or died. It's the only time in my life I've ever welcomed death. Sound melodramatic? Have a conscience and go to prison; then tell me about melodrama. At that time I looked into the eyes of my wife and kids and tortured myself over their being saddled with a man like me. So many counted on me and trusted me and I'd let them all down. For that time I lived only. for. them. More than once I came closer to ending my life than anyone realizes. Yet Mrs. EA didn't leave me, despite my belief that she not only had cause, but deserved better. She called me her "family." That, coupled with the promise of our life together (she, our kids, and me), forced me to want to rebuild my determination to live my life, only wiser. She probably doesn't even know it, but she and the kids quite literally saved my life. Which is probably why it's been so fucking, god damned hard to handle knowing that she doesn't want me anymore. I need a few minutes here....
  11. OK. Number 11. And a major shift in mood, k? Lessee.... Oh, this may not sound all that interesting to those who haven't seen me, but I used to be a pole vaulter and slalom ski racer. In fact, I lettered in those sports in high school. To look at me now, you'd think I was a football lineman, or maybe just a fat bastard. Ha! But no, I really did possess a fabulous body once.
  12. I can cook. Pretty well too, I'm told.
  13. I've lived all over the United States, and intend to take that international at some point once I have the kids safely into their own lives. Any ideas where I should live first?
  14. I don't know what you'd call it (stupid, reckless, adventurous), but I tend to do dangerous things from time to time, some of which have resulted in injury. Examples? Ok, here you go:
  15. I've bungee jumped from a hot air balloon
  16. Crashed a motorcycle on the 91 Freeway in Los Angeles in a spectacular man-meets-car-bike-meets-concrete-at-70mph incident while on my way to meet Mrs. EA to go Christmas shopping. Hundreds of staples, six titanium screws, two surgeries, and several artificial body parts later, I'm good as new (mostly).
  17. I once severed the last three fingers of my right hand after getting them caught in an air conditioning vent duct in my youth. One amazing micro plastic surgeon later and they were reconnected. And don't look too bad if I do say so myself, although if I touch something fuzzy with those fingers, I get a quick sensation that I'm being burned. Weird, huh?
  18. I played rugby in college, where I sustained many bumps, bruises, cuts, and a concussion or two. But you know what they say: "In rugby, there are no winners. Only survivors." No? How about this one: "Give blood; play rugby." No? Oh well, the post game beer parties were kick ass.
  19. Jesus lord almighty, we're only on #19? Hmmm... Ok, how about this one: I sometimes procrastinate.
  20. ...

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