Pie-holicus-enorm-ucus

*UPDATE* Let me restate something about what I wrote last time. Sometimes what I mean gets lost in the speach. Count that one more reason why I'm not Hemingway. When I said "could that be because she doesn't want it, but doesn't want to say so?" I should have said "I WOULD BE VERY HAPPY IF this means she doesn't want it." She's been crystal clear: she wants a divorce. I don't. While it hurts more than anything in my life to realize this of her, it doesn't make her wrong. Nor does it make me wrong for deciding to defend our marriage. What I need to do is make my statements as information about ME, not speculation about her. Just wanted to make that more clear. I'm tired of hurting her. I'm not a mean guy; at least I try so very hard not to be. Maybe I lash out when I'm hurt and don't stay aware enough to recognize that I am. I feel as if I can say 100 genuine words, but if one is perceived badly it's as if I never said the other 99. You've heard it honey, but it's true: I don't want to hurt you or be mean to you- not EVER- and I'm sorry I have. Change is not an overnight event. I think I don't really even know her. Oh I've spent a lot of time trying to make her be what I thought she should be, but did I ever really get to know the woman she is? No, I don't think I have. *sigh* Too many expectations, is what I've had.
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