Who Is Kelly?

Well, according to this site, there are 140 ways to describe me. A sampling:

Kelly is a Crying Little B*tch. Oh yeah? Well screw you.
Kelly is a weepy. A weepy what? See my last comment.
Kelly is a great performer. According to my mother, this is true when trying to get out of trouble.
Kelly is double Olympic champion. Rhythmic Gymnastics and Curling.
Kelly is the right choice for you. Yeah, I wish she thought the same.
Kelly is the best of what she does. She?
Kelly is considered an expert in digital culture. Yeah right. I can't even figure out how to upload pictures to my blog.
Kelly is a fictional character created by Irish journalist Paul Howard. Sometimes I certainly feel fictional.
Kelly is dead, Mary. Is this a statement? And who is Mary?
Kelly is a member of Opus Dei. Very hush hush.
Kelly is probably an extremely intelligent woman. Probably? Woman?!
Kelly is not satisfied with having merely a desire. True. I want gratification, too.
Kelly is only fifty years old. Fifty? WTF! I'm only 38.
Kelly is Shit. I think this speaks for itself, don't you? Apparently not everyone is a fan.
Kelly is Golfing Again. This would imply that I ever could.
Kelly is arguably Australia's greatest folk hero. Hmph, and I've never even been there.
Kelly is brilliant. First I'm "probably intelligent" and now I'm "brilliant?"
Kelly is captivating on stage. Yeah, like watching a train wreck.
Kelly is finally betrayed to a train-load of police by a crippled schoolteacher who has just recited King Harry's St Crispin exhortation from Henry V. There's no way I could make that up.
Kelly is missing last seen in az reward of no reward. I guess no one really wants me back.
Kelly is an evil genius. Oh so now I'm a genius, but I'm evil? Are you thinking what I'm thinking, brain?
Kelly is on day 11 of the Geneva Fast. And all I've lost is 11 days. Freaking fad diets.
Kelly is the father of three. I wonder where the third one is.
Kelly is getting his stuff from Tim Russert. Shhhh, dammit! The Man may be watching!
Kelly is Still Trapped In The Closet. Uh-uh. There was that one time in college, but...
Kelly is pregnant with music. ?? And I thought I was just retaining water.
Kelly is about to do it again. Oops.
Kelly is Thankful Jun 01 '03. But only on that one. damned. day!
Kelly is surrounded by more question marks than the Riddler. Riddle me this; riddle me that.
Kelly is a fifty two year old nurse and mother from Athlone in Ireland. Now I'm 52?!
Kelly is a rallying cry. The question is: "behind what?"
Kelly is back in South America investigating a lake monster. This isn't Loch Ness? Damn, I just KNEW I should have taken that right turn at Albuquerque.
Kelly is a commando. "is a" or "goes?"
Kelly is rich. roflmfao. Oh, I have a tear...
Kelly is the Man. So when I'm being rebelious, I'm really sticking it to myself?
Kelly is trying to clean up his act. Well now that you've outted my source, I guess I have no choice.