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Effortlessly Average

Sort of half-heartedly leading the charge into mediocrity since, oh, let's say around 1987 or so.

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Location: Roaming (additional charges may apply), Argentina

Proof that with internet access and a powerful laxative, even insipid people will blog; the place where your excellence and my mediocrity collide; where my Karma whips ass on your dogma.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Random Things About Me - Or, TMI



-I put my socks and shoes on in this order: left sock, left shoe, right sock right shoe.

-I love the smell of a wooden pencil and prefer them to the mechanical variety.

-I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

-I tend to fib a lot.

-I absolutely HATE that I can't listen to every new song and read every new book at the same time. I makes me wonder how many truly great songs or stories I'm missing because I don't know they're out there.

-I have little fashion sense, which makes me one of those guys who buys what the mannequin is wearing because at least then I know it goes together. This has its risks because if the mannequin is wearing a jock strap and a sailor's cap I'd buy it in a misguided belief that this look must be "IN."

-I have eclectic taste in music. My 2,000 + CD collection has everything from Mozart to Metallica; Oingo Boingo to Tab Benoit.

-I keep a computer file with thousands of interesting observations, sayings, phrases, and other random notes that I've accumulated over the years.

-I wear boxer briefs.

-When I was in college I very often ditched classes to hang out among the stacks in the library.

-I love old books, especially those previously owned by someone who wrote in the margins. I enjoy reading their comments and making up stories about who they were.

-I am a total wise ass and frequently play jokes on my children. They're either going to grow up with a great sense of humor or I'll someday receive thousands of dollars worth of therapy bills. Some notable jokes I've pulled on them:


  • wrap a rubber band around the hand sprayer on the kitchen sink. Then ask the one of the kids to get me a drink of water.
  • rub a thin layer of vaseline on the inside knob of their door. If it goes as planned they won't be able to turn the knob to get out.
  • Use the mirror in the living room to bounce a signal from the spare remote so you can change the channel they're watching without even being in the room. Each was convinced the other was screwing them somehow.

-I giggle whenever I say the word "pork."

-I don't know why.

-Now I'm giggling.

-I once nearly severed three fingers on my right hand. Fortunately they were repaired. Mostly.

-Now when I touch something fuzzy with the ring finger on that hand, I get the sensation that I've touched something hot.

-I was saying "alrighty then!" waaaay before Jim Carey.

-I think free angency has destroyed the NFL.



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