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Effortlessly Average

Sort of half-heartedly leading the charge into mediocrity since, oh, let's say around 1987 or so.

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Location: Roaming (additional charges may apply), Argentina

Proof that with internet access and a powerful laxative, even insipid people will blog; the place where your excellence and my mediocrity collide; where my Karma whips ass on your dogma.

Monday, March 26, 2007


I wrote yesterday about my nephew's being indignant about his truck tires being moved to the outside. Last night it was mentioned during a group event (no, not by me, but by my father, who had heard all about the atrocity from the Supreme Commander) that perhaps the Supreme Commander had over-reacted.

Supreme Commander: "No I didn't."

Grandfather: "What's the big deal?"

Supreme Commander: "Because they'll get all wet and dirty just sitting out there like that."

Having never had the opportunity to amaze him with my mad logic skills when the much pissing and moaning was going on earlier, I saw this as my chance to spring into action.

Me: "You mean, the same way they would be if they were on your truck?"

Supreme Commander: "No. If they're on my truck, I can dry them off."

Me: "Well you can dry them off back there too if that's so important to you."

Supreme Commander: "I'm not going to go to the trouble of going into the back yard every time it rains to dry those off!"

Me: "Oh, I see. But you will go to the trouble of carrying around something to dry them off -and take the time to do so- every time you drive somewhere if they were on your truck, is that it?"

Supreme Commander: "I wouldn't have to. The centrifuglal forces [yes, that's how he pronounced 'centrifugal force'] would spin the water and dirt off them as I drove."

Me, blinking in amazement: "Oooo-kaaay." I decided not to try to explore how his mind deduced that centrifugal forces would continue to spin the water and dirt off the rims when the truck wasn't moving.

Supreme Commander: "Besides, three of those four tires are in perfect shape and they'll rot out there in the yard."

Me: "My friend, you leave for the Navy in four months. There is no way those tires will be sitting in my back yard long enough to rot. If you don't have them gone by the time you leave, I'll have them gone within two weeks after your leaving."

Supreme Commander: "But they'll rot before them if they sit out there like that."

Me: "Ok, pollution and solar radiation may be bad, but they're not that bad. I've had my RV parked for months at a time and the tires don't rot."

Supreme Commander: "That's because they're on the RV."

Me: "Ooooo-kaaay."

At which point I found myself searching the table for another fork to jab into my forehead.

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