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Effortlessly Average

Sort of half-heartedly leading the charge into mediocrity since, oh, let's say around 1987 or so.

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Location: Roaming (additional charges may apply), Argentina

Proof that with internet access and a powerful laxative, even insipid people will blog; the place where your excellence and my mediocrity collide; where my Karma whips ass on your dogma.

Monday, March 27, 2006


The first stop on our journey from New Jersey to Texas was Maryland and my brother's house outside D.C. We didn't grow up together (that's a whole new Oprah), but over they years since BuddhaWife and I have lived on the east coast, we've developed a great relationship with Donovan and his family. Now that we're relocating to Texas, it will be difficult not having him around.

Still, despite the melancholy circumstances, they tried to help us prepare for a life in the deep south. For Donovan's part, this meant firearms. The day before we left Maryland the men visited the firing range for a couple rounds of skeet, followed by a quick McFlurry. By the way, I found that my youngest brother can put a shell through a flea's ass at 500 yards without the benefit of a scope. Wow.

As we pulled into the McDonald's parking lot, smelling of gun powder and feeling just a bit better prepared to live in Texas, my nephew entertained us with one of those rhetorical questions that's meant to be somewhat of a riddle:

"What's a question to which you can never answer 'yes'?"

The answer he was looking for, we would discover eventually, was "Are you asleep?" But FlyBoy, being the boy he is, had a different idea.

What's a question to which you can't ever answer 'yes'?"

We sat there in silence, mulling over every question we could conjure, but with no luck. Then we heard from FlyBoy in the back seat, almost to himself, offer the answer, "I like the taste of poo?"
Ah, that's my boy: always thinking outside the box.


We're now in Houston and settling in nicely. My father's house is the size of Rhode Island, so there's plenty of space to get away from the crowd that lives here. I'm enjoying not working for the time being. I've taken over the kitchen and now do nearly all the cooking.

We had a few bumps at first, but thankfully they waited until we were here before presenting themselves. First, the Honda decided to die just as we tried to remove it from the car carrier. Nevermind that in Georgia - the last place I tried it - it started just fine. This was Texas; new state, new situation. Trying to start it merely produced some high pitched whine from the engine. Good thing we'd not even removed it from the carrier. Turns out the engine is shot and will be $1,800 to repair; something to do with blowing a head gasket.

Ok, I'm fine. I'm cool. I'm good.

Then when we unhooked the Jeep from the MoHo I noticed the ball on the hitch was aaallllmooost about to fall off. My bet is that within ten or fifteen more miles the Jeep would have released from the hitch, and then only held in place by the safety chains. Good thing we opted for the heavier duty chains, too. The ones that came with the towbar would never have held that Jeep if it suddenly released from the motorhome at high speed. The bitch of it would have been that while the chains would have acted as a failsafe to keep the Jeep from being an out of control projectile on the freeway, the towbar would have impacted the pavement when it cut free of the hitch. If it caught a groove or crack or seam in the roadway, the shock would likely have torn it from the bumper of the Jeep and rammed the rods through the radiator. And since the Jeep is towed without a synchronized braking system - due to it's light weight - when BW hit the brakes in response to the sudden noise and handling change in the RV, the Jeep, et al, would have slammed into the MoHo's rear end. I have to inspect the whole setup, but I think there will be some correction that involves welding and or buying new equipment.


A bit of advice:
When exiting the shower, never walk through the house naked.
If you should decide to do so anyway, don't bend over to pet the cat playing in the middle of the living room floor.
If you should decide to do so anyway, never forget the following question:

What do cat's like to do with things that dangle?

Should you ignore all the previous advice, for God's sake, don't fling your body around trying to dislodge the said playful cat from said dangly things, because that just FREAKS. THE. CAT. OUT. and makes it dig in for a better grip.

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