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Effortlessly Average

Sort of half-heartedly leading the charge into mediocrity since, oh, let's say around 1987 or so.

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Location: Roaming (additional charges may apply), Argentina

Proof that with internet access and a powerful laxative, even insipid people will blog; the place where your excellence and my mediocrity collide; where my Karma whips ass on your dogma.

Friday, August 17, 2007

A footnote in my own story

I just keep getting it wrong. But every time we go over it, I learn more. Save yourselves; I go no further. Ok, stop. I know it sounds self-piteous, and there's nothing I can do about that, but I'm now convinced it ended because of me. All me. It's done, because of my actions and reactions. She didn't start out wanting to fail, but now she has no faith, no belief, and no trust; and that's all my doing. Now the only thing to wonder is:

  • What happens when you yourself become the enemy? When the thing you most thought was destroying your chances turns out to be you? How does one live with that? When all you can do is recount times when things were different?
It's funny [he says with an ironic smile] but believing in Karma the way I do, it can't be a coincidence that my solo trip to Cancun comes at a time when Dennis is making a bee-line for the city. Whatever. Bring it on, God. You couldn't be more ashamed of me than I already am of myself. What, I don't warrant a Category 5? Whatever. I'll see you on the beach when your wrath makes land, Mister.

You think I'm wallowing in self pity? No. Self pity is for those who feel sorry for themselves but don't really believe they are at fault. I accept this blame, and I don't feel sorry for myself, I just feel sorry. Sorry for all I've done to push it over the cliff. Self pity? No. First, spend a day knowing what I do about what I've done to one I should have treated differently. Then tell me of self pity. Until then, it's just fact, plain and simple. And in these words, I disgust myself even more; what used to be considered a gift, now feels like something I use to twist events to my own benefit. It's one thing to destroy someone's trust; it's entirely another to destroy their "church." There's no coming back from that.

Save yourselves people. Because you never know when it will all crash around yer feet. Yes, I am truly... a piece. of. work.

I'm out. Mi Aime Jou.

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